Being Grateful in Any Circumstance
(Even though it makes me so nervous giving talks, I appreciated the opportunity to study gratitude and find such great quotes from several Conference talks on the subject. It was difficult timing since Chris and I were working through a decision on whether or not to take a different job offer, but I also feel like it was a blessing to be looking at everything through the lens of gratitude. Neat to have my parents visiting to hear me speak. I wanted to have a copy of my notes here to remember.)
TODDLERS
When our Luke was just a toddler he was an absolute joy… but like most toddlers he was super opinioned about how things were to be done…. AND he was addicted to chocolate milk. But I couldn’t just hand him a sippy cup of chocolate milk. That would result in a meltdown. --So I gave in and did it his way.
- I opened the drawer with the sippy cups and patiently stood there while he picked out the exact one he wanted.
- Then I poured the milk in,
- Then I opened the cupboard so he could hand me the chocolate powder.
- Then I bent down so he could see the chocolate powder being mixed in and the milk turning brown. (He didn’t trust me at all.)
- And then let him help me screw the lid on – which usually meant some spilled chocolate milk on the floor.
It took SO long – but when he was satisfied by my work, he went happily on his way.
Sometimes I think that we act like toddlers with our Heavenly Father. We want things and sometimes expect things of Him, and then we have opinions about how every little part should work, thinking that we know best, or not trusting Heavenly Father to be in charge.
And sometimes we don’t get what we want, we struggle through some really hard things –and we might just have a complete melt down.
GRATITUDE
Elder Uchdorf said, “Sooner or later, I believe that all of us experience times when the very fabric of our world tears at the seams, leaving us feeling alone, frustrated, and adrift.
Everyone’s situation is different, and the details of each life are unique. Nevertheless, I have learned that there is something that would take away the bitterness that may come into our lives. There is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, more joyful, even glorious. We can be grateful!
Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, recent General Relief Society President, said
Gratitude requires awareness and effort, not only to feel it but to express it. (Like a toddler) Frequently we are oblivious to the Lord’s hand. We murmur, complain, resist, criticize; so often we are not grateful. In the Book of Mormon, we learn that those who murmur do not know “the dealings of that God who … created them.”
She continues… Gratitude is a Spirit-filled principle. It opens our minds to a universe permeated with the richness of a living God. Through it, we become spiritually aware of the wonder of the smallest things, which gladden our hearts with their messages of God’s love. This grateful awareness heightens our sensitivity to divine direction. When we communicate gratitude, we can be filled with the Spirit and connected to those around us and the Lord. Gratitude inspires happiness and carries divine influence.
LOWER LAW GRATITUDE
Some of my favorite November Family home evening’s throughout the years have culminated in individual and family lists of things we are grateful for…
- When Megan was 3 she said “I’m thankful for tossing balloons really high”
- When Emily was 6 she said, “I’m thankful for when Megan plays school with me.”
- When Katie was 8 she said “I’m thankful for brushing my teeth so my teeth don’t fall out”
- When Ryan was 10 he said, ‘I’m thankful for Mom who has babies and makes spaghetti’
And I love how gratitude lists tell a story of what’s going on in our lives.
I think it is important to frequently “count our blessings – name them one by one”— but I wonder if this is the ‘lower law’ of gratitude – or maybe the teenage level – with so much more understanding and appreciation than toddlers but still with a fair amount and eye rolling and mumbling.
In a conference talk entitled ‘Being Grateful in our Circumstances’ Elder Uchdorf teaches us that perhaps focusing on what we are grateful for might be the wrong approach. He councils that it is difficult to develop a spirit of gratitude if our thankfulness is only proportional to the number of blessings we can count.
He says… “I don’t believe the Lord expects us to be less thankful in times of trial than in times of abundance and ease. In fact, most of the scriptural references do not speak of gratitude for things but rather suggest an overall spirit or attitude of gratitude.
GRATEFUL IN OUR CIRCUMSTANCES
Instead of being thankful for things, we should focus on being thankful in our circumstances—whatever they may be.
Elder Uchdorf continues… “the choice is ours. We can choose to limit our gratitude, based on the blessings we feel we lack. Or we can choose to be like Nephi, or like Jobe, or like the Mormon pioneers, or like the Prophet Joseph Smith – who were grateful in times of devastatingly hard circumstances.
This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair.
Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges.
==== While Ryan was on his mission in Albania, his mission president suggested that they draw out a picture of the Plan of Salvation and post it so that it was the first thing they saw when they woke up. I love this. By focusing on the big picture of our lives we can gain this kind of gratitude. We can experience peace in the midst of hardship, In grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise. In pain, we can glory in Christ’s Atonement. In bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace.
This does feel like the Higher Law of Gratitude. As in so many other ways, I feel like our Father is asking this of us –not for Him- but for us as we prepare (right now) for what’s coming next. Gratitude is a catalyst to all Christlike attributes. It strengths our faith, inspires humility, helps us communicate with our Father and with each other and it helps us to look outward and see who we can serve.
GRATITUDE IS FAITH
Luke chapter 17 records the experience of the Savior when He healed 10 lepers. As you recall, only one of the cleansed lepers returned to express his appreciation. Isn’t it interesting that the Lord did not say, “Your gratitude has made you whole”? Instead, He said, “Thy faith hath made thee whole.”
The leper’s expression of gratitude was recognized by the Savior as an expression of his faith. As we pray and express gratitude to a loving but unseen Heavenly Father, we are also expressing our faith in Him. Gratitude is our sweet acknowledgment of the Lord’s hand in our lives; it is an expression of our faith.
In 1832 the Lord saw the need to prepare the Church for coming tribulations. Tribulations are frightening. And yet the Lord said: “Be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.
“And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious.”
Sister Parkin said, “The kind of gratitude that receives even tribulations with thanksgiving requires a broken heart and a contrite spirit, humility to accept that which we cannot change, willingness to turn everything over to the Lord—(even when we do not understand), thankfulness for hidden opportunities yet to be revealed. Then comes a sense of peace.
BEING GRATEFUL MAKES US HAPPY
Chris and I are trying to be intentional about how to raise grateful children. Like all of you we want to give our children the things that they need and want. And yet we don’t want them to feel entitled. More and more we live in a world where even though our youth have an abundance of material blessings or unlimited opportunities, they often feel a lack in their lives. Teaching our children to live life with appreciation and gratitude for the many blessings they enjoy accentuates the good and helps them feel happy and positive about life. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin said this about the characteristic of gratitude: “It is a quality I have found in every happy person I know. It is a quality that instantly makes a person more likeable and more at peace. Where there is an abundance [of gratitude], there is happiness.”
If we as parents make a conscious effort to express our appreciation for our children, for the gospel, for material blessings, and for every good thing in our lives, often and out loud, it will set a pattern for our children to follow. It will help turn their thoughts away from themselves, and they will naturally begin to look for the blessings in their own lives.
Sister Parkin says… “He has commanded us to be grateful because He knows being grateful will make us happy. This is another evidence of His love.
And Elder Uchdorf echos this thought…“All of His commandments are given to make blessings available to us. ====== I love that. Heavenly Father commands us to be grateful. But not for Him… For Us.
Commandments are opportunities to exercise our agency and to receive blessings. Our loving Heavenly Father knows that choosing to develop a spirit of gratitude (the higher law) will bring us true joy and great happiness.
Psalm 118:24, says, “This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” Making gratitude an important part of our lives invites the Spirit and reminds us to be joyful.
I love that Thanksgiving is right before Christmas. When we are truly feeling the Spirit of Gratitude we are ready to love and honor our Savior, and love each other, and feel joy in the process.